I Cannot Win Debates, I Can't
(Sung to the tune of "I'm Henry The Eighth, I Am" by Herman's Hermits)

As sung by Dubya, desperately outmatched in his first presidential debate with John Kerry on 09/30/04:

Click HERE for MIDI music

(instrumental intro)

I cannot win debates; I can't.
Cannot win debates; I can't, I can't.
I got buried by John Kerry 'bout war
I can't parry his points, or keep score.

I must debate, though I cannot win (cannot win)
And viewers think my war is just a scam (big scam)
In debates, I stammer, cannot win...
Cannot win debates; I can't.

(Spoken:) Second verse... I get to curse!

I cannot win debates; I can't.
Cannot win debates; I can't, I can't.
I got buried by John Kerry 'bout war
I can't parry his points, or keep score.

I must debate, though I cannot win (cannot win)
And viewers think my war is just a scam (big scam)
In debates, I stammer, cannot win...
Cannot win debates; I can't.

(instrumental break)

I cannot win debates; I can't.
Cannot win debates; I can't, I can't.
I got buried by John Kerry 'bout war
I can't parry his points, or keep score.

I must debate, though I cannot win (cannot win)
And viewers think my war is just a scam (big scam)
In debates, I stammer, cannot win...
Cannot win debates; I can't.

(Spoken:_ Rove! Please! One more try!

Cannot win (cannot win)...
Cannot win (cannot win)...
Cannot win debates; I can't, I can't
Cannot win debates, I can't.

(instrumental riff)

Nah!