Nifty Ways To Kill An Evil
(Sung to the tune of "Fifty Ways To Leave Your Lover" by Paul Simon)
By Alvin Dover & "Boot Newt"

(As sung by Dubya Bush)

Click for MIDI music

(instrumental intro)

"Your problem is Osama isn't dead," Dad said to me.
"The answers aren't easy, 'cause you can't think logically.
I'd like to help you in your struggle to be me.
There must be... nifty ways to kill an Evil."

Dad said "Saddam Hussein is bad; you must invade.
Go to war, and just start screaming you're the boss;
You'll have it made."
So if I beat myself, then I risk being a fool.
There must be... nifty ways to kill an Evil.

Just start to attack Iraq,
And if it don't pan, Iran
We'll kill with such joy, boy.
More missles we'll see.

If folks start to cuss much,
Don't need to discuss much.
No one's gonna see me,
I'll get off scot-free.

Pop said, "Believe me, the world sees you with such disdain."
It took him a while to open up and to me, he'd explain.
I said, "I appreciate that,
And would you please explain about those nifty ways?"

Pop said, "To Iraq, go in deep, make it a fight.
Don't you believe Saddam's warning.
Think about Big Oil's plight.
That Saddam dissed me," and I realized Dad wanted war for spite.
There must be... nifty ways to kill an Evil...
Nifty ways to kill an Evil.

Just start to attack Iraq,
And if it don't pan, Iran
We'll kill with such joy, boy.
More missles we'll see.

If folks start to cuss much,
Don't need to discuss much.
No one's gonna see me,
I'll get off scot-free.

Just start to attack Iraq,
And if it don't pan, Ira
We'll kill with such joy, boy.
More missles we'll see.

If folks start to cuss much,
Don't need to discuss much.
No one's gonna see me,
I'll get off scot-free.

(repeat last two verses and fade)