Originally written Dec. 25, 2000, when Time magazine previously chose the Pretender Bush as "Person of the Year."

Mag Sale Song
(Sung to the tune of "The Wassail Song")

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For what he's done, we're assailing
What's on Time magazine
Because he's dumb, we're wondering
Why they find Bush so keen
The Bush Boy, W.
Hatched a coup, seized power, too
Should arrest him, and send him back to Texas,
But we hear
The Pretender is "Person of the Year."

DeLay's the Master of the House
Surprised? He helped the coup
In Florida, he killed votes
Sent rioters to help
The Bush Boy, W.
Hatched a coup, seized power, too
Should arrest him, and send him back to Texas,
But we hear
The Pretender is "Person of the Year."

A headline the world needs to read:

Satire about Bush's nominee for Attorney General, White House counsel Alberto Gonzales, wrote dubious legal memorandums justifying the torture and indefinite detention of suspects as "enemy combatants" in defiance of the Geneva Conventions, as well as claiming unlimited dictatorial powers for pResident Bush in the name of his "War on Terra"

Shady Gonzalez
(Sung to the tune of "Lady Madonna" by The Beatles)

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(instrumental intro)

Shady Gonzales, rendered quite a feat:
Claimed it wasn't "torture" to have folks beat.
Policies for Rummy, and his pResident;
For Shrub's "War on Terra," was heaven sent.

The Far Right connives to win their court case.
Without warning, sweeping laws are done:
Rights defiled; unearned Iraq oil, bootleg.
Sleaze (how it's done).

Shady Gonzalez, failed the legal test;
Blundered and mismanaged, at Shrub's request.
(Sung over instrumental line:) Duh, duh, duh, duh....
Sleaze (how it's done).

Shady Gonzalez, trying to be head
Of the D.O.J., dismaying those who bled.

Bush's gulag goons are just extending
Torture, but the papers showed just some;
Pris'ners' plight was shocking, without mending.
Sleaze (how it's done).

Shady Gonzales, rendered quite a feat:
Claimed it wasn't "torture" to have folks beat.

A Pestilence of Greedy Men
(Sung to the tune of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen")

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(instrumental intro)

A pestilence of greedy men assured that Bush would stay.
The votes were hacked in Ohio this past Election Day;
Which saved the Shrub and gave him power to drop more bombs and slay.
Shrub's deciding which countries he'll destroy, which he'll destroy...
Shrub's deci-iding which countries he'll destroy.

Mideast mayhem, troop injuries, and families Bush has torn.
Put his own troops in danger; more armor, Rumsfeld scorned.
Through extra-ordina-ar-y protests, the world has warned:
Shrub's deciding which countries he'll destroy, which he'll destroy...
Shrub's deci-iding which countries he'll destroy.

Rough-shod, Bush didn't bother to find someone to blame;
For 9-11, bin Laden to Saddam Hussein, switched names.
The neo-cons had planned mayhem; Mideast control, their game.
Shrub's deciding which countries he'll destroy, which he'll destroy...
Shrub's deci-iding which countries he'll destroy.

Now Bush's hordes sing praises to Shrub and hail his name.
But not through love nor brotherhood; more war, he would enflame.
For his war crimes, the world cussed; Bush brought us lasting shame.
Shrub's deciding which countries he'll destroy, which he'll destroy...
Shrub's deci-iding which countries he'll destroy.

Here's an older version of this parody from Selection 2000: George Bush Was Crowned The President

Satire about the scandal of U.S. troops forced to fight in Iraq while riding in unarmored, unprotected Humvees, where they are sitting ducks for insurgent attacks using rockets and improvised explosive devices; desperate soldiers have installed improvised sheet metal from junkyards, while Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld pretends there isn't a problem.

Armored Humvees
(Sung to the tune of the "Armour Hot Dog Jingle")

(Sorry, no MIDI music is available)

Humvees... armored Humvees...
The kind our troops need: armored Humvees.
See what Rumsfeld did?
Shortchanged in Iraq:
Our troops blew the lid;
Junkyard armor that they hocked.
No Humvees... armored Humvees.
They're bogged... down... where... they... fight.

Canada flips the bird to Bush

Stalking Iraq, Bush's Plundered Land
(Sung to the tune of "Winter Wonderland")

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(instrumental intro)

Scandals sting; Bush ain't listening.
Torture pain, pics are sickening.
"Continue to fight!" say Neocon Right.
Stalking Iraq, Bush's plundered land.

Spun away, Bush's new words.
The world stays... full of boo birds,
Who say the Shrub's wrong; they won't go along
Stalking Iraq, Bush's plundered land.

From the shadows, neocons made war plans.
For their ends, they helped Bush steal his crown.
Shrub's been right wing-carried; he's their "War Man."
Can barely do the job, an inept clown.

Neocons... still conspire:
More war dreams, from these liars.
The mess that they've made; their plans disarrayed.
Stalking Iraq, Bush's plundered land.

From the shadows, neocons made war plans.
For their ends, took Saddam Hussein down.
Bush had lots of fun being a show man;
But quagmire in Iraq now makes him frown.

Iraq woes, all the killing.
Our press chose to go shilling
For folly, to slay, the neocon way.
Stalking Iraq, Bush's plundered land.

Stalking Iraq, Bush's plundered land.
Stalking Iraq, Bush's plundered land.

(instrumental ending)

Our Troops Won't Be Home For The Holidays
(Sung to the tune of "There's No Place Like Home For The Holidays" by Perro Como)

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(instrumental intro)

No, our troops won't be home for the holidays;
'Cause they're scattered to a far away war zone.
Dubya whines, cause there's no sign of an ending phase;
The insurgency says "Get out of our home!"

Bush is a man who hates democracy; war he was headin' for.
Oil war mania sold through bogus tales and lies.
In Pennsylvania, folks there voted down George Dubya and his war.
But our land's been made horrific; Bush is pseudoscientific.

No, our troops won't be home for the holidays;
'Cause they're scattered to far away war zone.
Bush is taunted as crappy in a million ways.
Bush's folly hazed; he can't leave home, sweet home.

(instrumental break)

Bush is a man who hates democracy; war he was headin' for.
Oil war mania sold through bogus tales and lies.
In Pennsylvania, folks there voted down George Dubya and his war.
But our land's been made horrific; Bush is pseudoscientific.

No, our troops won't be home for the holidays;
'Cause they're scattered to a far away war zone.
Bush is taunted as crappy in a million ways.
Bush's folly hazed; he can't leave home, sweet home.

Bush's folly hazed; he can't leave home, sweet home.